Hey, Mother Nature here! I’ve got a little message for all you morons who chuck stuff out your car window. I don’t care what it is: beer cans, Quiktrip cups, cigarette butts… trash. Seriously. If you chuck one more Taco Bell wrapper into my forests, I’m going to personally arrange a delivery of scat through your bedroom window.
I mean, I know many of you humans are remarkably self-centered. But consider this – if you poison my streams and my soil, it’s you who will die. I am immortal, you are decidedly not. And if you manage to starve yourselves out of existence, I will have millions of years to repair myself before the next super-species evolves. So next time you toss that bottle out of your car instead of driving the five minutes to a location with a trash can, remember that you’re killing yourself one bottle at a time.