Four hours until the Rapture hits the coast of the United States. In theory. For those who think they’re the lucky ones, here’s an informational video outlining the do’s and don’ts of being Raptured:
Credit to the maker, somegreybloke.
Let’s get back to reading the book of Revelation, shall we?
7 – John knows another number – four! Which is odd because you’d think he’d break out the sevens in section seven. But no, we have four angels, four corners, and four winds. Now one hundred and forty four thousand people get to have some mark on their forehead marking them as people to not destroy. Lucky them. Everyone else is screwed.
8- Back to sevens. The angels (who now have seven trumpets) throw fire upon the earth, bringing lightning, earthquakes, hail, and more unpleasantness. This doesn’t seem quite fair. What about plants and animals? Earth is quite a nice planet. I don’t know why God is so set on obliterating it. Has PETA read this section?
For some reason just a third of everything is being destroyed, and two thirds are left intact. I have no clue why.
9 – Even better. A swarm of locusts and scorpions are set upon the non believers, and torture them for five months. John shows a real gift for description in this chapter. The tortures inflicted by the scorpions are described as “like the torture of a scorpion when it stings somebody”. No duh.
The locusts are all dressed up like they came from a flea circus. They have crowns, and human faces with hair. Has John ever seen a locust? Again he describes a creature as an animal that it looks absolutely nothing like. Human faces indeed.
Back to a third. The angels get to kill a third of humankind. I’m starting to think God has a really big sadistic streak, and a lust for retribution a mile wide. You don’t believe in me? Well, ha! I smite you!
Avoiding smiting, I will leave for now. See you in an hour, when I think the Rapture will be terrorizing fish in the Atlantic Ocean. If I’ve got my time zones right.