16: The Israelites wander around in the desert, slowly starving. In response, God makes bread rain from the heavens, giving them enough to eat. If God can create food from nothing, why are people starving? He feeds them with this manna for forty years. That’s a long time to wander in the desert. I wonder how many Israelites didn’t make it through.
17: Next, they complain about water. I would have thought that water would have trumped bread, but apparently not. Moses summons water from a rock, which I remember from that illustrated Bible I used to have. A random guy named Amalek shows up, but they fight and defeat him. This plot line is harder to follow than Grey’s Anatomy.
19: Nothing interesting has happened for a while. God says he’ll come down in a cloud upon Mount Sinai, so Moses begins to prepare. He tells everyone that if a human or animal touches the mountain, they’ll be stoned or shot with arrows. Nice. Also, to keep everyone pure, he instructs them to “not go near a woman”. I wonder what the women are supposed to do. There’s a big dramatic noise and spout of fire, and God arrives.
20: God delivers the Ten Commandments. You know, THE Ten Commandments. The things that pop up on courtroom walls, and are lauded as the most important moral guidelines of the civilized world. Let’s take a look.
1. Don’t worship anyone else. The paranoia’s showing through a little here. After all, if they’re worshipping someone else, they’re probably not paying any attention to these commandments.
2. Don’t make idols, “for I am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me”. At least he admits it.
3. Don’t take his name in vain. I guess everyone who says “Oh my God” is going to hell.
4. Don’t do anything on Sunday. I can live with that.
5. Honor your parents.
6. – 10. Don’t murder, cheat, steal, lie, or covet things. All very nice, although good luck not coveting. However, it seems that multiple Christians have botched some of these up. Crusades, anyone? Heck, God screws up the murder one all the time. Perhaps he ought to sign a version of the Magna Carta. No one should be above the law.